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Tuesday, September 28, 2010
wa lao ehh! pissed wit him ttvm can! irritating freak! seriously should have head my friends advise can! wth lor he! just get out of my life can! -_-" was like just kidding wit my frens you come here kpo! wats wrong wit you sia! not happy then say la. dun do stupid lame things! i seriously hate seeing you in school sia. now i hate your class. i seriously hate it sia. i freaking pissed de la. i dun know what kind of ppl is he! 0% humor can! no sense of humor at all la! -_-" always ask ppl why laugh! wa lao ehh is damm freaking duper extremely pissed lor! extra kia!:/ idoit sia! i just totally hate him ttvm now. i hope i nvr ever will ever ever ever see him and regreted knowing him! he like who also want me to help! wa lao total filrto can! all the gals in our class hate him ttm can! ai ya he is just so duper extra! after he comment that! i freaking pissed de can! being extra there! my opinion of him is totally ruined! last time at least got 1 or 2% think he okay! after this few days i realised he is a total jerk from the rubbish bin! kay he spoil my mood of studying as i am blogging now and not studying! pissed off with him and swear nvr tok to him ever again in my whole life!:/ Monday, September 27, 2010  to have this feeling back is awesome. somehow i forget whats love but tends to know more what is friendship. i rly regreted not making the first move that time. i kept in silence waiting... how silly and dumb i am rite? is thank godness that she had make the first move in the end and she makes it perfect now! i rly felt so blessed now. i finally know whats happiness is. just the kind of smile that you will have on your face, not putting it for show or acting it out. the natural smile i have now. isn't forcing myself to fake any smiles, is rly feels great. just like heaven. but it does not mean no stressed for me now...haiz exams in just 4 days time! gonna work extra hard for EOY... everybody is beginning to buck up and study hard but i am still here blogging! lol failure! hehe^^ try to text them everyday now to make this friendship more firm! i wanna make sure it doesn't happen again. this time round i am rly gonna focus on the.....exams first!:D hehe super stress up! hope i do well. seriously cannot remember so much things!:( haiz just hope what i learn comes up in the exams and not some other kind of weird confusing irritating vexed questions!:/ humph! i hate exams! but after exams there is still more things to do. it shows that secondary 2 life is coming. streaming! aiya dkdc. ^^ ky goodluck to everybody for EOY!:) jia you kay!:DFriday, September 24, 2010  is worried for EOY! oh my god! seriously haven started much of anything...sianz...haha oh ya and my freaking leg is hurting me this few days. argh it is like muscle cramps or muscle tear or muscle watever! but i just know it hurts. kay watever this week has been over and yeah i did watch yu le bai fen bai this few days!:D Xg's fashion desingner fail sia! omg make XG so unglam!:P hehe but he still looks cute!^^ you know wat Xg was like so damm funneh this few days it make me fall deep in love with him again. wanted to not so obsessed de but end up more obsessed everyday. oh yea! i guess i am moving house!:D agent came to my house juz now. tok to dad and mom about houses thingy! gonna hope this time will suceed in moving house! everytime say wan move then end up nvr move!-_-" hehe seriously is excited bout new house and furnitures and etc...:D have been living here for like 10+ years?! like since i was born!? but it reminds me of a lot of things:D hehe kay ending post lo bye:Dthe obessesion i had for him is fading away. everytime i look at him and thought he will look at me but he wasn't... i am thinking did he rly like me? or is he just making a fake sentence to please his friends...i thought i could give him a chance but he end up dissapointing me... i always look out for him but end up see-ing his friends and not him. i saw him almost everyday but nvr did once said "hi" i wonder if i had to carry on looking at him this way... not knowing wats on his mind...love is so complicated but i am looking for the one... the one i truly love...although haven found yet but still wanna first say ILY! muacks!:P hehe^^ its been a rly tiring week. but becos of this week, i realised a lot of things... if i dun work hard and only blame on others, i won't succeed in the end. i need to step up and speak up to get what i want and not wait for ppl to come serve me. and also it make me think back about those memories together...happy sad angry vexed funny... it was awesome. it been like half a year of best friends we have been. its alright to have some misunderstandings, cuz it make us say out what we have keep inside our heart. letting out everything makes us understand each other more... the opinion each have for us. i have to start from scratch everything again. but i am willing to. i am going to prove that i am not tat gal you know last time. i am willing to change as long as your say out. pin point me on the spot. feel free to comment. i cannot graruntee i will be able to change but as long as i try there will be hope rite? what i have been thinking this few days is, how much am i worth? who will shed their precious tears for me? who can i rely to then...i have been over confident all this while. i thought i was...ai ya i just think too high of myself...shit me then! i dun know why, but even a smile they give me make me feels like heaven now. i dun know why but i think maybe is that i am really scared to lose them again. this time round i am really being sensitive. as long as ppl tok softly, i will be thinking they are saying about me. i am rly scared to lose them again. i realised they were my only ppl that make me wanna go school. not saying tat others are not. maybe is a kinda feeling i have for them. i feeling that i feel special when i am with them. i have gone to many groups this few days. see-ing how they hang out and tok to each other... everyone group of frens have a special kind of bound that i am unable to get close to. maybe mine is with them... :) Thursday, September 23, 2010  today, i saw the smiles on your face. i am glad for the smiles.:D thanks guys! but the smiles that you gave me make me feel very guilty. without me, your can also be happy or even happier. i was thinking i am the one who spoil the fun who had? i can't stop blaming myself for everything. not only sorry to them...but sorry to everybody that i ignore, show face, tok bad things about b4...etc...i reflected, to me maybe i wasn't but to others they think i am. cuz i realised my emotions on my face look a bit different to what i am thinking inside. maybe i wasn't angry but my facial expression shows that... i am seriously wondering should i go back with your...i am scared the smiles on your de face... i scared i do things wrong again and hurt your once again. i can't control myself sometimes. i feel so guilty to drag your along with me about this. its just me and my bad habits again, hurting your over and over again. i just want your to think carefully whether to trust me again that i won't hurt your again... i myself hate myself now. if your hate me or wat...i understand. i know since things have been ok now i should bring it up again. but i feel so guilty not knowing wat to do. i can't cling on to vanessa always... she have amable, and i dun wanna break them...so, i rly gonna rly rly rly find a way, whether by hook or crook! to change this freaking habits of mine!:( ... lastly i gonna say sorry to everyone i hurt troughout the years. peeps: anryl, laymei, janelle, eugenia, adelyn, meiting, vanessa, etc... Wednesday, September 22, 2010  going around saying bout me. tats today life's of them. i know they are rly pissed by me. i dun know how to stop them. but tdy i heard something damm hurt. last saturday when i went out wit them, b4 tat i told them i maybe not going cuz my grandmother's birthday. anryl told someone this" she go her grandmother's house better!" you know how hurt i was to hear that? anryl is not happy about me all this while even though we are friends. you tell me what is this? felt so betrayed when i heard that! dun wan me go then say la, dun ask me go then wat. and is you said on your blog tat you wanna and this friendship and you end up telling ppl say i want to end this friendship. keep asking me change, wat about your? nobody is perfect! wat your want from me? change my attitude? dun be easily angry and jealous. if i changed then it won't be me anymore! can't your understand to accept people other then asking them to changed every time. janelle is the only one okay with me. i said bye and hi she got reply. the rest, walk past them then show me that pissed off face? wth!? just forget about it cannot meh? although we can't be best friends anymore but we can still be good friends wat. i just hope one day when i look at your and smile your could smile back. and again i am sorry for making all this troubles for your. but then i can say that i won't change anything. i am myself. not anybody your can change according to your likes. maybe there is some attitude problem with me. i will try to change. but i know your sure will say i won't. maybe your are rite. i won' change as i am not your house. you can't change me according to wat your like. i am a human. every human has their own bad habits. i will be letting go this if your stop saying bout me. i just want your back as good friends. at least say hi to me when we see each other. let go of the past and i will. i nvr did say any bad things about your! i swear! i just tell ppl tat your dun like me tats why i nvr go wit your. and posting this kind of things won't make me innocence. i am embarrassing myself here. but i still post cause is the only way to communicate with your. but the whole reason that i am posting now is just to apologise for making your hurt or wat. and please dun give me that face in class as if i owe your money or wat. just wanna be good friends can? note: janelle thanks for that bye you said to me. you cheer my day up! you didn't know tat one word can make me a rainbow!:) you let me learn to forget bout things:D Tuesday, September 21, 2010 wtf is your problem! wanna break this friendship rite? i have enough of your nonsence alr. and i pass the paper behind cuz i thought you have alr wat. and i am only angry when you started showing me attitude today! i wasn't mad yesterday! everytime i dun tok to your then your say i emo! wth?! can't i have some space! whats wrong with you? ya everything is my fault! everything is my wrong! your have nth wrong! your very confused bout my attitude rite! fine watever! i say 100 times your also dun understand what i wan! all your think is about yourselve! have your ever thought wat i felt when i am with your? your just tok among yourself so i keep queit! got wrong? keep saying me and i just have to ignore...everytime i am the one who say sry! when did your ever care about me. you said those friends i have. yeah they are always there for me and thats what they said. i am not using them. fine you wan me to end up like vanessa goh this kind of state then happy rite. you said i was angry but think who stop toking first. it wasn't me. it was you laymei. morning you emo, art lesson dun wan sit wit me. then chinese also emo. recess also ignore me and avoid me! wth is this? you said i angry you... when? your wanted to go anryl house i wasn't going so i went home with vanessa la. i said bye did your hear? i think no ,cuz your didn't reply me. i am always toking to the wall! did you know tat? i always dun get replies. i always have to pretend nvm and i kept everything in my heart, you said you are hurt. i can tell you i am 100 times more hurt! you say i easy jealous, tat was last time! you start bringing up those past things and say about me now. jealous? i wasn't even jealous! you say you watch watever you say but you end up nt saying anything tat makes me more mad! i dun hate your but i know you hate me alot. i tried to stop myself from thinking that way, but your attitude to me show me everything. you said you dun like my attitiude like tat but you yourself treat ppl like tat. what this? hanging out wit eugenia and vanessa.g etc...wat you trying to prove? without me then eugenia can follow your rite? my fault again rite! i didn't do anything at all! i am totally shocked by your today's behaviour. seriously you nvr did this to anybody. nt even eugenia or whoever. you did this to me today i will nvr forget. i treat your like friends and yet your gang up say bad things about me. i follow vanessa they all cuz i know your angry me then i dun dare go with your de. i know this will break this friendship but i dun wan to be someone tat cling on people when they dun like him/her. i gave up this time cuz not only one person is angry with me. i hope they understand that i am not angry at them is just tat the way they treated me today i can't control myself to be be a little pissed off. i still dun get where the hell i am wrong. it seriously is not my fault this time. i did nth and your pissed at me. you say you hurt rite... tell me how are you hurt la. i didn't do anything lor... only sometimes when i am bored then will maybe go find vanessa they all tok only wat. got problem with tat? i am not making your jealous in any way. i nvr thought of tat b4. all tat was just you and your thoughts about me. i know all of you are tired and i myself is too. i cried today for the last time for your. i keep this friendship deep down my heart. you should reflect how you treat me today? wasn't that 100 times worser than wat i did? put yoursleve in my place, think about it, how will you feel . i force myself to smile till the end of the class today. your didn't know how much i treasure this friendship. you know how hard when i say i wanna let go. you can ask vanessa hoo. i keep asking her wats wrong with me? what did i do? i keep asking hoping i will get the answer. after reading your blog although many things were just misunderstandings but then i rly dun know how to face it anymore. i dun know how to go to sch. remember your still a group of friends. then wat about me? you leave me behind. of course i go find other ppl rite. i am hating school! hate this place. i know nobody will pity me or feel sry. i have to face everything myself. i am not as brave as your think. but i am super lucky to still have some friends who still support me at the back. i seriously thank them for at least leave some hope for me to continue. i dun know why it is always the problem tat lies on friends? why can't i have friends? i always change friends throughout the year. i thought tat could last but no... i was kicked out again. everytime. yeah ppl will ask me to reflect wat i do...however hard i think i just couldn't think of any possible reason. i am a fun-going person if you rly try. whenever i am toking, people just dun listen. i am like toking to the wall. i am not respected in the first place. the only person tat was respected was only her. everybody like her and listens to her. she was nvr left out. see the difference? you still have a group of frens laymei. i dun. you say you are hurt. then me? Saturday, September 18, 2010  didn't expect that much dissapointed today... everything didn't went well...first didn't went swimming so sat there to look after things for 3+hours...bored to hell over there...and also kanna beep by life guard two times....sian la, and also text ppl, ppl nvr reply! :( then finally they swim finish went to meet anryl...ate lunch. lunch wasn't yummy like last time. standard drop a lot...:( went to take neo after that then went to some kind of shop tat sells geek specs!:D cool...and also brought bracelot same as anryl there!:D then after go home le...so freaking tired de can...D: kay la nth muchie to post...some photo spam zi lian today:D cool! hehe ending post lo bb^^Friday, September 17, 2010  see that dull face on top? have been quite lazy and tired this week. its so fast as it is already end of the week. had performance today at chung cheng high...woo big sch...hahas:D ate Japanese food. spent most of the time today with vanessa bao bei!:D lent my ears to jenelle on the way back from there...she lent her's to me too!^^ ty! bus hit something on the way...cher get down to take a look...cher acted like traffic woman, telling the uncle how to drive! seriously i am not sure the uncle has gotten his licence yet... we waited so long for him to come! omg he wasted our precious time! went back sch at about 8++... super dark! scary sia...zzz...caroline parents sent me and jenelle back to our home sweet home...saw father waiting for me downstairs ask why nvr on phone, and duh i replied" NO BATTERY!" haha:D should have brought my charger to sch since there is a switch near safwan sit...today nth much happen in school and is just some long lesson which make time much slower... english-had laughter wit grp & seriously they are rly sick! marcus and safwan fight make me laugh like mad gal...couldn't control not to laugh out loud... dzulhaily and i was like giving them the face to stop but then everytime they say a thing i will tend to laugh... maths-was just some marking and corrections... the cher seems to change a lot, more fierce and unfriendly...sadded my dream teacher has gone to neverland ... science- laugh laugh laugh...tok tok tok with group( amable safwan marcus)fighted among each other whose answer is correct.... safwan slap marcus when marcus got wrong! omg damm funneh de! amable was busy writing the answer on the whiteboard! hehe^^ grp get lots of point!:D recess- eat with beloved janelle and two sweety childrens,lay mei and anryl. went toliet after tat like usual and then went outside class to assemble...push laymei so i can be the first one and janelle help me...:D haha fun! chinese-tok and told lay mei lots of creepy story. didn't pay any attention to what ms luan was saying...haha:D history-sat with laymei also...went toliet with lay mei and when the teacher give us the pass, he was toking whole lot of craps! say what crumble the thing then need stay back to iron it. me and lay mei laugh!^^ history was boring then and ppl behind me were like calling me ah joy. its like a new nickname for my sec life. primary sch is"joyce"... tomorrow going out i think! hehe but lost the free movie tickets! pissed sia! stupid leh me! how could i lost it! i think is juz now bag drop then ticket fall out bah...sian la wasted! :/ maybe going swimming tmr....dun feel like going out tmr...dun know why...so sian...but still excited in the inside! haha^^ oh ya! HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANNY!:D Thursday, September 16, 2010  silence means? having lots of silence this few days. feeling down today and is super hungry now. begining to hate school nowadays, the boring lessons and etc... is so tiring after school. mood destroy today...sign...exams coming le haven revise so many things, seriously need to start bucking up now... you know today's talk rly inspire me and make me think a lot. it does make some sense and from the talk i think i'm the carrot...seriously wat happen today make me feel like a carrot. i always give up on things....and yeah is becos i'm tired... seems like ppl are playing with my emotions and feelings...i got crop up with so many things...the feeling rite now feel so lost. even by listening to music doesn't help to cool me down in anyway. the feelings inside me now is confused. i seem to rewind back to primary school...i have this exact feeling rite now. feel so pain yet i couldn't let my anger out... was sitting on the bus juz now and rly cools down a little...when it reach my stop, i didn't rly wanna get down. the peace i had there was awesome...but think tat nobody can be alone i rly have to forget bout this and carry on... i know i can't fake a smile so is rly hard to hide my feelings...hope things rly go well and stop giving the same problem over and over again...is like a pattern or a cycle...is rly pissing me up. i dun blame on anything anybody cause it is my life...although is hard to live on but i would. everyone have their own problem own vexed up things and unexpected things in life... we just have to move on to see whats next...maybe happiness is waiting for us at the next stop...after all this things, it make us strong. maybe i should think at the bright side as it does help us grow up and grow strong. faced up and solve it. i have so many things to say but dun know how to express it... you know tat feeling? blogging is a way to let out stress and thoughts but seriously i can't express out my feelings...maybe my english is rly very lousy bah...kay ending post lo...bye Wednesday, September 15, 2010 is wasn't easy to face this again. but this time i succeeded. i saw him and i didn't feel heart pain. i wasn't sure he saw me. its so amazing to see him there...i have been thinking tat he will stop at this stop someday and i could see him...and amazingly he did...but i can see he changed a lot...when i now ask back myself if it is the rite choice and can immediately say yes. its was all this time that i haven put him down...its seriously time to let go of the him and have a Brian wash to wash away those memories with him... 2 years with him was memorable but the last month with him is what i wanna forget...he probably really forgotten bout me and i think i should too. being a fool , fooling myself saying tat he will come back isn't a rite choice. i have my life and he has his too... the chance we got to meet each other coincidentally awake me up. he didn't even take a look at me and ran across the road like tat...pretending to play with his friends to avoid looking at me. the next time i get to see him i should treat him like how he treat me to trian to let go of what is not worth. is just a toodle game we have been playing all this while. who ever did take this seriously at the first place...i dun think he did and i apprently is just being a dumbass that treat him well...maybe not that too...since nt so firm so when happen, heart won't break tat much... Sunday, September 12, 2010   have been watching zhong ji san guo this past few days! omg it totally \m/ man! its the best show i ever watch i think!:) after watching this i fell in love wit chen de xui A.K.A xui! omg he so cute like XG! love this show ttvm! :D Saturday, September 4, 2010  happy birthday eugenia!^^ gonna go tm meet up wit janelle anryl and laymei!^^ then gonna go eugenia's house afterwards to celebrate!^^ short little post for tdy!^^ hehe bye gonna go le!:P hope tdy gonna be fun!^^Wednesday, September 1, 2010  everything is solve!:D i am so relief now...:D serious i feel like haven now! past few days were hell...but from today i gonna make sure it is heaven!^^ chatted wit lots of peeps yesterday and today! ty guys!:D ty to the person who forgive me also! i promised to nt emo again kay^^ and nt show your attitude!^^ happy now! omg early in the morning happy till now! isn't tdy great?haha:D yeah! oh ya and HAPPY TEACHER'S DAY! yesterday had happy things too! did aces! fun!^^ although 1e3 didn't win but then we are still great!:D we tried our best for everything and it was aweasome!:D went back GSPS! omg saw many peeps! chat lots wit them and seriously miss them much!:D gonna go back during chinese new year!:D hehe^^ kay gave ms teo the present but didn't write name on it! shity me! haha:D lol went tm after that and went simei to meet frenz!:D haha happy yesterday!:D teachers \m/ man! especially on teachers day!^^ |
Joy♥ " She’s a little girl, living in her perfect world Until she realised , happiness was hard to find." the sites. Janelle| Eugenia| | Laymei| Marcus Dayna | Anryl| Jenelle| 2e3'11 | Adelyn eileen| chili. | chili.| chili.| chili. January 2008 February 2008 April 2008 November 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 March 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 imeem . 1 song Playing ♥ His awesome voice;xiaogui♥   Music Playlist at MixPod.com Designer : Chili. x o x o |